It's been a long time since i wrote a post here . For the past couple of months i had to deal with a lot of stuff.. Both silly and serious complications.. So it got me thinking about life .Tbh i was in my philosophical mood again tonight ...
Everything i've been through changed me . It changed the way i see life and the way i think about basically everything . It got me thinking a lot about time .. How fast it goes by. I remember when i was younger what my grandma used to say to me:'' Life is too short. Life is really really short.Live in the present,forget yesterday and make small plans for tomorrow.'' I wasn't able to understand what she was talking about. I was around 7-8 years old and still in school . Back then time seemed passing by so slow but now i sense it... Life is indeed very short. So we have to let go of our negative thoughts,we have to give up feeling hopeless everyday and start thinking about making our dreams come true. Otherwise one day we will wake up and feel regret for the opportunities we threw away . To give up your dreams is the worst mistake a human can do. Chase your dreams even if at the end you didn't make it . It's better to chase after a dream then to live a 'safe', normal, boring life .
Do you ever get that feeling when you wish you were never born? Well that's me 24/7. It's not just a face or an act to be accepted at this 'mainstream' generation. It's simply the truth that most people don't know about me and i wanna be honest just for once.
I wish i was never here in this cruel world. I wish i was able to travel back in time and stop my moms decision to keep me. I don't wanna sound dramatic or anything i just wanna be able to understand why ? Why can't i choose not to be born the way my mom chose to have me? Why do i have to be such a mess everyday ? And no happiness it's not just a choice when you have to deal with serious situations like me. Why do i have to deal with illness and lost all my life?Yeah i get that that's how things work but i do not wish to be a part of this crazy train anymore ! Of course i am not thinking about suicide!
I don't have the power to keep fighting all the demons. I wanna be free and i shall be one day. I won't have agony about anything anymore. I don't know if there's an after life or whatever,i just only know one thing; i wish i was never here on this planet,this unfair world.
Sometimes we all go through a long period of depression. We fell neglected and mostly weak. We have a huge gap and hundrends of questions going thourgh our heads. I do know what it means to be lost inside your own negative world. The last few weeks were truly difficult for me. I'm writing this article so i can give some tips to those of you who are going through this taught situation.
First of all, i want to point out that every living creature in this world is going to die alone. It's a fact that everyone should accept. I do not wish to talk about afterlife in this article. I just simply want to emphasize that lonelinnes will always be a part of our lives. So when you are going through this situation try to talk with a friend ,perhaps a member of your family or even at a specialist doctor. If you do not wish to do the above or you think that your friends won't understand you then you can move forward to the next step.
Try to understand that you can't always be in control. Don't judge me, i understand the pleasure of achieving something by yourself,i am a control freak too. But my friend,in this case you need someone or even something that will help you get out of this black hole. That something can even be music. Listen to sad songs and let your emotions or your anger out. That will make everything go away easily and quickly.In other words,try to find something that fills you with inspiration and energy. Besides don't forget that the biggest composers or writers,created incredible and valuable pieces at the most difficult phases of their lives.
The next step is to go outside. Yeah i know that you don't wanna leave your room which is the only place you feel safe. But i want you to try the following. Go for a walk by yourself along with your favorite music. Sit in a park. Then notice the birds,the fountain,the beautiful and worm sun,the wind blowing in your face. YOU my friend,YOU ARE ALIVE.Appreciate that !
When you are sitting there try to find the reason you are unhappy. If you feel that your friends do not support you then talk to them,you may have misunderstood. If you're right then kick them out of your life for good and never let them back in. You can also create a diary or a blog. Writing your feelings down can really help you. Try to remember happy memories of your life so far and write them down along with your dreams and goals. Then everytime you feel sad and you are in this black hole go and read these pages. And don't you ever forget that the meaning of life is to go through storms until you reach your final destination. Any bad experience,choice or condition comes into your life to teach you a lesson and make you stronger !
